just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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