He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
