yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
