if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
