so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
