I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
