you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
