the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
