Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
