when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
