AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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