what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
