dude i'm inner monologue high
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
