Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
