forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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