just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
