the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
