you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
