hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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