i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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