Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
