i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
