he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
