Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
