he wants to bone in the snuggie
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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