1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
