I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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