is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
