Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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