Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
