did you get engaged???
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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