my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
