drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
