Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
