My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
