i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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