You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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