i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
