it was like eating out sand paper
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
