I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
