please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
