the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
