he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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