How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
