the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
