he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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