Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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