Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
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eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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