You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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