I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
