If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize