Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
