can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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