this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
