So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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