they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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