I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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