Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
