mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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