I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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