everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
