I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
