So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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