I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
