So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
