Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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