Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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