one might say we're banned from that church
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
