nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
