Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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