M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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