Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
