On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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