I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
