Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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